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Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide, by Ph.D. Harville Hendrix
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In "Keeping the Love You Find" you'll discover how to:
- Sales Rank: #21240 in Books
- Color: Other
- Brand: Atria Books
- Published on: 1993-02-01
- Released on: 1993-02-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x 1.00" w x 5.31" l, .68 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 352 pages
- Great product!
About the Author
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., a clinical pastoral counselor and co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy, has more than thirty-five years' experience as an educator, public lecturer, and couples' therapist.
Most helpful customer reviews
225 of 256 people found the following review helpful.
Really good, but needs to clarify his definition of "Marriag
By Elmer Craven
This is an exceptional book of its kind -- I usually loathe so called "Self-Help" books, but I find the author's "Imago" theory -- based on the belief that we subconciously seek out partners that resemble our parents because they trigger childhood wounds and/or parts of ourselves we have disowned, and the reason for this is that our subconcious has a deep yearning for those wounds to be healed, and for us to reclaim our shadow parts and become whole again. Is that long-winded enough ??? There's no magic answers here, but reading this book you may begin to understand why you repeat the same destructive behaviors in relationships, and begin to realize that far from being something that's beyond your control, it is in fact patterns that your subconcious is deliberately recreating, and will in fact continue to do so until you conciously decide to heal.
However, I find his assertion that complete healing is only possible within the context of a committed marriage to be a complete fallacy, and I base this assertion on experience, on individuals I know who have made incredible healing breakthroughs as single people. Yes, the guarantee of a committed lifelong partner and a commitment to each other's healing creates a stable and permanent environment for healing and growth to happen, but such healing and growth is possible outside the context of a marriage. It may involve more work and more commitment on the part of the individual, but believe me, its possible.
68 of 76 people found the following review helpful.
Great for someone who wants to understand.
By A Customer
Have you ever wrestled with youself when you want to call a girlfriend for the fifth time in a day? Ever immediately think that when someone doesn't answer the phone or return a call immediately, that something is falling apart in the relationship or that they are leaving you? Do you over-try to make someone like you? How about the flip side of this... do you run for cover if a relationship gets to close? Do you become more cold or callous towards your partner the warmer they become toward you?
I was always a hold-out on getting therapy until I had a second affair on my wife. At that point, the pattern of things I was doing became very obvious, but I didn't understand why I kept wanting to make sure I had an escape route from my relationships.
On the advice of my counselor, I went to pick up "Getting the Love You Want" guide for couples, but I also picked up this book as I felt it focused more on the individual. It made sense to me that if I didn't straighten myself out, how could I work on a relationship. I've thoroughly enjoyed working through this book (about 1/3 though so far) and it's written in a way that, for me, sparks thoughts constantly. I've noticed much more about myself than I ever did before and I feel like I'm getting the understanding I need so that I can move forward in being able to be in a mutually healthy relationship. Even in the beginning 1/3 of the book, I now see that the kind of person I marry (twice) and the kind of person I had an affair with (twice as I said before) are quite different from each other but EXTREMELY consistant to the other in their category. But I also see consistancy throughout all the people involved as well.
The excercises should be done slowly, if you breeze through them you can't be very serious about working out the issues as most require honest exploration and consideration.
All in all, I'm quite pleased with this book and the new experience of learning something about myself. In many ways, I've felt I've gotten as much from this book as I have my therapy, though I think the balance of having a third party to talk to is very beneficial as well. I've liked this so much, I've seriously considered going to one of the workshops.
Edit: I wanted to add, I have found it helpful later in the book to keep a journal as often, the reading has triggered thoughts, questions and revelations that I wanted to remember for myself as well as discuss with my counselor.
Further, this book has been terrific in pointing out the type of people I'm attracted to, and why. This kind of information is instrumental in development and maturing in present or furture relations.
115 of 132 people found the following review helpful.
A Challenging Experience
By A Customer
This book is not handing out easy answers. The books main focus is helping you dig up your personal info. Such things as Upbringing, Dating History, Sexual History, Self-Opinion, Personality, Dreams, etc. When you understand more about yourself, you understand what you need.
A bit of warning though, Dr. Hendrix's book could leave you depressed at times. The exercises are very personal in nature and can reopen old wounds, traumas, etc. In the middle I asked myself "Is there any hope for me?" Hendrix answers with a firm, undeniable yes. And its true.
I would recommend it to anyone at any age who is willing to do some soul searching, emotional understanding, and self awareness.
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